the month of may is comin to an end now n yet i'm still slackin...decidin wat n wat not to do...tis month seems to be a veri pathetic mnth for me...all my SPAs flung...tests gone case...relationship wif my gang seems to be getting weaker n weaker..i'm like a stranger to them sometimes...ppl nowadays all seems to be veri bz preparin for mid-yr but i'm still thinkin all sorts of nonsence...sometimes really feel tt i really had lost my ability to control wat i'm thinking...soemtimes dun even noe wat i thinking n wat i really want...it seems tt my life now is not as peaceful it used to be before i noe wm, jf, xl yy they all...haiz...alot of qns seems to be in my head and i can't really get them out...sometimes it seems tt i'm jus wastin my time thinkin too much n i shouldn't be here thinkin...but should go n start my revision but yet the engine in me i dying off soon as far as i noe...tt mood for studying is not there...my heart is floating in mid-air...my mind is somewhere out there...n i'm always tired...it's either i'm too pessimistic or really should i jus ignore all these things n force myself to study...nowadays i'm feelin like...oso dunno wat i'm feelin now...maybe mixed feelings...think i'm jus giving myself alot of stress n trying to seek attention from ppl...which i think i'm really quite selfish...lol....or maybe i'm jus findin my own existence...sometimes it seems tt i'm not needed anymore...alot of ppl out there are far better than me...everything i do seems useless...or maybe i'm jus thinking too much....now its like i'm at the crossroad...knowing tt mid-yr is comin n i'm still standing there wondering where to go...or at least i know i should choose tt road but i'm jus not doing the right thing...n i dunno y...it seems tt i'm going against myself alot tis month...always cannot make up to my own expectations..or maybe they are jus to high....quite disappointed wif my own actions n thought sometimes oso...it seems tt i'm like hatin myself now and then for not doing tis not doin tt n regretting all sort of things but i know i shouldn't be doin it but i still can't find a reason for not doing wat i know wat i should do...sometimes really feel like jus ignore everything n jus go n haf a gd slp but yet everytime i wake up they are still there...sometimes really feel like jus gif up everything...or at least berak off ties wif them n going back to my old self n perhaps i'll not haf tis kind of situation happening...keep going against myself, hating myself for my actions n thought, regretting tis n tt n still not doing something tt i can improve myself which i knew i should do...it seems tt i'm going back to become a loner again...but at least i'll not be affected much by the things ard me...haiz...coem to think of it i'm oso dunno wat i'm doing now...wasting time blogging...now again...alone at home...yesterday's outin wif my class boys seems alright to me n ya...met some of my class gals in jp while we trying to shop for some stuff...lol...n ya while going back home no bus oso met 1 of them...lol....sometimes it seems tt the world we live in is so small but yet so large...n the ppl whom we know onli comprises onli a small amt of the world population...n maybe really it's fate tt brought ppl together n let them know each other...so maybe i should jus stop thinking so mcuh abt all these things n start concentrating on wat i should do...n ya...for me it's veri hard to forgive myself for the damage i had done to others...or maybe i'm jus thinking too much again...