10 years

It's been more than  3 year since I last come back to this blog. A very long time.. 

Recently, I got an invitation to my JC class gathering. Clashes with my army friend's wedding. Hopefully I can make it.

Now still thinking should I go or not. Haha...10 years since JC...what a long time... Next year I will be 28...sigh..

10 years...how much have I changed during these 10 years?

Still remember that time, struggling over relationships and studies. Still doing TKD as well with Meng and Kok Siew and Jing Boon??? at Boon Lay CC. Studying Chemistry, Physics, C Mathematics, AO Chinese, General Paper and Project Work..

Fastforward 10 years. Now, I don't really apply any of the Science subjects. General paper has forced me to really write essays and brush up my English. Even till now I'm still slowly improving my level and command of the English Language. Hopefully one day I can really feel confident to do a LLB. Now I don't really write Chinese, but still do read and speak Chinese.

Now, still slowly learning Hokkien, Cantonese and maybe Japanese.

10 years. I have experienced my first relationship which doesn't really went well. Now it has become a phobia to me. 

Then, still a minor, Now, of full legal capacity. Things are getting harder to handle. Work is slowly killing me but I have no choice but to work for the payslip as well as the experience. Singing and drinking has become my way of destressing myself. NS is also killing me with all the IPPT, IPTs, RTs, mob manning, ICTs etc etc...My line of work is also requiring me to spend time reading and updating myself with the latest rules and regulations in the accounting field.

How I wish I can really achieve my target, a life without worries and troubles and be happy and do what you like without restrictions and be really "free".

10 years, people come and go in my life. Some still come back to my life and I'm really grateful for that, like my Sec sch friend JH. Hope he can continues to develop his business and be successful.

10 years. What replaced my bulk of knowledge are Company Law, Accounting Standards, Tax Law and other areas of Law. Sometimes feel so bored reading but that's nothing more productive than to continue reading and know more about this area to protect myself and people around me.

10 years. I've become more active. Already completed 10km, 21km and 42.195km runs. Last time 2.4km was a horror. Now still a horror, but not that horrific anymore. Training for the new IPPT as well. Hope I can have a miracle to pass it finally...

10 years. Parents already 62. few more year to retire. I'm still starting out. Paying all the handphone bills, insurance, membership fees etc. How I wish I can no need to care about all this.

10 years. Really miss those carefree days. Everyday I feel stressed. Work also kanna from boss. Can't really feel any joy in my life anymore. Drinking helps to numb my nerves and feel more relaxed. Everyday is jus work. Play doesn't make me happy. I really hate this but I have no choice. Nothing seems fun anymore. I also don't want to subject myself to feel happy from eating, watching movie etc etc...Feel so meaningless and trapped.

Sometimes really wonder if I will get married. Now my stand is not to get married. It's a horrible decision. Alot of commitment. I will lose my freedom. My expense will go up. I will feel controlled and terrible. I want to be free....

Today is saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday. Monday is coming and I'm going to die horribly.Really thinking should I stay or go in my job. Really want to cry. Alot of frustrations and anger. I really hated working life. Last time in school I already hate schooling life. Mon to Fri school. Sometimes Sat also need to go back. No difference, now also Mon to Fri work. Sat my time given to IPTs and RTs. Sunday is my rest day but nothing much I can do to enjoy and make myself happy. Really hate the Mon to Fri routine. Feel like just quit and stay at home. I want to slack. I had work hard enough. I want to enjoy now. Had enough of all these nonsense.Feel so empty.

Hope someone can save me. Really don't like this kind of life. Work work work work work. Where is my life that is free from worries and troubles went to? I really feel so stressed all time with all this shit. Damm irritating. No joy no life no money.sigh. Really don't want to care so much anymore.....Haiz!!!!!