Just reach home from JP. Today was actual quite joyous day for me as I finally have serve finish my 2 years of NS. ORD LOH!!. LOL.But then, after the initial joy, I settled down and begin to think that actually it's no big deal as just a matter of time everyone will finish their NS. Life has to go on after that.
Next monday I will begin to start on my first job. Never work before so actually I am quite excited about this. Everything new, new faces, new environment and new job. Feel like going to a new school.
After collecting back my pink IC and the COS in the morning, I went back home and wait till around evening before I went JP to meet some of my friends that went to genting with me in july this year.
Hmm...then from there, I realised that 2 of my friends are going overseas on the same day: tuesday 11/12/07. 1 going taiwan and the other going cambodia for voluntary work. But the one that is going cambodia not free to turn up today. Hope all the best for them.
So far what I can only remember is that I accompany them(both gals as the guy still got something important ON then) around while they shop for clothes and take photos. Then after that we sat down, treat them coffeebean and wait for the guy to come. And while sitting, of course we talked about things. And one of it that I really think about seriously is the one called relationship. In this case I meant BGR (boy-girl relationship).
Recently I still remembered when the word relationship keep appearing in my head and I think is due to one comment that is said by one of the people who ran the marathon with me on sunday. It all begins when he ask about the time on that day and ya we chatted until we reach the finish line. One of the comments, or question to be exact, that he give is : What are you going to do after ORD? Find a gf?
The words 'find a gf' really provoked me as really, beside working and studying, I have no idea what to really do. For the past 20 years I have not been really involved in a relationship (crushes are not counted) and I have really no idea what is it about seriously.
Even though during my free time I will sometimes read about relationship and stuff but no matter how much I read, I guess it's still foreign to me as in real life I don't really know how to handle such thing. I find it really complicated as in there is so many grey areas. So hard to handle.
Anyway, the main point is to find a gf and what the fellow marathoner told me is really true. If you cannot find one in uni. It will be harder for you to find outside in the working world. And I hope maybe I will get one in uni and the 'hope' is because such things are still decided by fate. No point forcing people together.
Ya, one of the gals who is having problem in her relationship randomly asked me the same type of question: 几时找女朋友？ meaning "when are you going to find a gf?". Of course, my reply is still: maybe when I go uni bah...
Before that, they also asked me why i like one gal. Thinking back clearly, I myself also cannot answer it properly as what I can only think of is because maybe she treat people nice and I mistook her actions when she treat me that way. All I can say now is that that time maybe is just a moment of impulse or foolishness or childishness or wat-ever-you-called-it.
Hmm...what I can say now is that even though I ORD and I may begin to find one. But still I got this feeling of remaining single and I don't know why. Maybe because I feel inferior or maybe because I feel that I don't deserve one? Maybe because of my past failed rejections?...I myself also don't know the real answer. Maybe there is no definite answer and maybe I'm just thinking too much right now. Maybe may be...
Still. I'm glad that I have found a reason for such relationship as in the past my mindset about it was very different. "So what if together? Life still the same." was the mindset I have last time. Now, after asking my colleague why he want to have a gf. I begin to see the light as the word he replied was companionship.
But still, sometimes I got this phobia/thinking that love is like a drug. It makes you feel 'high' for a few moments but after that you will have to pay for the consequences.
Maybe I still never involve in such things so that's why my thinking still like this but I guess I just hope and pray for one. Feel so uninterested in such things sometimes. So complicated. But still sometimes I feel like having one. So contradicting...
Think I just stop blogging for now. Haiz. Think I'm still not ready for such things I guess. Don't even know when I'll be ready...Parents also quite old liao..55 this year...I'm the only son.... Think even they don't say I can also guess what they will think for the next few years to come.
Next monday I will begin to start on my first job. Never work before so actually I am quite excited about this. Everything new, new faces, new environment and new job. Feel like going to a new school.
After collecting back my pink IC and the COS in the morning, I went back home and wait till around evening before I went JP to meet some of my friends that went to genting with me in july this year.
Hmm...then from there, I realised that 2 of my friends are going overseas on the same day: tuesday 11/12/07. 1 going taiwan and the other going cambodia for voluntary work. But the one that is going cambodia not free to turn up today. Hope all the best for them.
So far what I can only remember is that I accompany them(both gals as the guy still got something important ON then) around while they shop for clothes and take photos. Then after that we sat down, treat them coffeebean and wait for the guy to come. And while sitting, of course we talked about things. And one of it that I really think about seriously is the one called relationship. In this case I meant BGR (boy-girl relationship).
Recently I still remembered when the word relationship keep appearing in my head and I think is due to one comment that is said by one of the people who ran the marathon with me on sunday. It all begins when he ask about the time on that day and ya we chatted until we reach the finish line. One of the comments, or question to be exact, that he give is : What are you going to do after ORD? Find a gf?
The words 'find a gf' really provoked me as really, beside working and studying, I have no idea what to really do. For the past 20 years I have not been really involved in a relationship (crushes are not counted) and I have really no idea what is it about seriously.
Even though during my free time I will sometimes read about relationship and stuff but no matter how much I read, I guess it's still foreign to me as in real life I don't really know how to handle such thing. I find it really complicated as in there is so many grey areas. So hard to handle.
Anyway, the main point is to find a gf and what the fellow marathoner told me is really true. If you cannot find one in uni. It will be harder for you to find outside in the working world. And I hope maybe I will get one in uni and the 'hope' is because such things are still decided by fate. No point forcing people together.
Ya, one of the gals who is having problem in her relationship randomly asked me the same type of question: 几时找女朋友？ meaning "when are you going to find a gf?". Of course, my reply is still: maybe when I go uni bah...
Before that, they also asked me why i like one gal. Thinking back clearly, I myself also cannot answer it properly as what I can only think of is because maybe she treat people nice and I mistook her actions when she treat me that way. All I can say now is that that time maybe is just a moment of impulse or foolishness or childishness or wat-ever-you-called-it.
Hmm...what I can say now is that even though I ORD and I may begin to find one. But still I got this feeling of remaining single and I don't know why. Maybe because I feel inferior or maybe because I feel that I don't deserve one? Maybe because of my past failed rejections?...I myself also don't know the real answer. Maybe there is no definite answer and maybe I'm just thinking too much right now. Maybe may be...
Still. I'm glad that I have found a reason for such relationship as in the past my mindset about it was very different. "So what if together? Life still the same." was the mindset I have last time. Now, after asking my colleague why he want to have a gf. I begin to see the light as the word he replied was companionship.
But still, sometimes I got this phobia/thinking that love is like a drug. It makes you feel 'high' for a few moments but after that you will have to pay for the consequences.
Maybe I still never involve in such things so that's why my thinking still like this but I guess I just hope and pray for one. Feel so uninterested in such things sometimes. So complicated. But still sometimes I feel like having one. So contradicting...
Think I just stop blogging for now. Haiz. Think I'm still not ready for such things I guess. Don't even know when I'll be ready...Parents also quite old liao..55 this year...I'm the only son.... Think even they don't say I can also guess what they will think for the next few years to come.
posted by chanjk at
11:01:00 pm
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