Today is 18/4/10. From now, i only have 18 days left to my first paper. As the exam dates gets closer and closer each day, i'm getting more and more worried. Today, one of my friend told me to take a break. Somehow, subconsciously, i really want to just forget about everything and take a rest. But then, i think if i should do that now. There are a few reasons.
Somehow, I feel that, i am already a failure in the game of love and i cannot afford to fail my exams as well. I really don't want to repeat history, that feeling is terrible. I also don't really want to think about romance for now. I'm already trying to force myself to work as much as possible so that I don't think of this and that. Till now , sometimes I think i still cannot get over those incidents. I really want to erase my memory someday. i really wish i can just forget everything but now, I can't. Thinking about romance only make me recall all those memories that I want to erase. It's so pathetic and hopeless. No one will understand.
As exam approaches, I getting more stressed up. Although I have been doing a lot of work, but it seems not enough to me. It really doesn't make me feel comfortable. I still feel very worried that I will fail to get what I want for this coming exam, and which will result me feeling that I had wasted my time through all this year. The fear of memory failure really creeps into me. I'm afraid that at the critical moment, i suddenly forget all the things that I learnt and practice thus far.
Just now, 11pm, I tried to sleep but I can't. A lot of thoughts suddenly appears. The above mentioned are only a small part. Sometimes I really wonder what will I do next time. Things are getting more and more expensive. Life is getting harder and harder. I don't know if I can handle them well next time. But most importantly, exams are making me stressed up. I think I will just continue to work and write like crazy until I feel that I have done enough preparations. By then, hopefully I'm still sane. I must stop thinking about romance. Everything is over and nothing will happen in future. No miracle, nothing! Just nothing.
Somehow, I feel that, i am already a failure in the game of love and i cannot afford to fail my exams as well. I really don't want to repeat history, that feeling is terrible. I also don't really want to think about romance for now. I'm already trying to force myself to work as much as possible so that I don't think of this and that. Till now , sometimes I think i still cannot get over those incidents. I really want to erase my memory someday. i really wish i can just forget everything but now, I can't. Thinking about romance only make me recall all those memories that I want to erase. It's so pathetic and hopeless. No one will understand.
As exam approaches, I getting more stressed up. Although I have been doing a lot of work, but it seems not enough to me. It really doesn't make me feel comfortable. I still feel very worried that I will fail to get what I want for this coming exam, and which will result me feeling that I had wasted my time through all this year. The fear of memory failure really creeps into me. I'm afraid that at the critical moment, i suddenly forget all the things that I learnt and practice thus far.
Just now, 11pm, I tried to sleep but I can't. A lot of thoughts suddenly appears. The above mentioned are only a small part. Sometimes I really wonder what will I do next time. Things are getting more and more expensive. Life is getting harder and harder. I don't know if I can handle them well next time. But most importantly, exams are making me stressed up. I think I will just continue to work and write like crazy until I feel that I have done enough preparations. By then, hopefully I'm still sane. I must stop thinking about romance. Everything is over and nothing will happen in future. No miracle, nothing! Just nothing.
posted by chanjk at
12:28:00 am
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