Today is 1st April 2010 (April Fool). Right now I feel bit giddy. I'm not sure what went wrong. I just get back some of my prelim scripts. So far, I don't fail any paper but the results are far from what i targetted. As the time left get lesser and lesser, I feeling more and more doubtful about myself in reaching those crazy goals i set. Seems that most of it will be unachievable.
Starting from today, there will be an increase in charges for utilities, namely electricity. I still haven't get the travel insurance for myself and my dad. After my FR exam, I will be flying the very next day. Right now I'm thinking of a lot of things. I'm still wondering if I should continue with learning driving since it's a bit wasteful to stop after BTT. I'm wondering if my efforts are worthwhile as I got the bad feeling of flunging my exams as what I did 4 years ago for my A level (which I will never ever forget!)
Speaking of that, ever since I start my second year, I've been reminding myself about that incident and why am I here now. I'm extremely terrified that history will repeat again this time as somehow, I'm always repeating my mistakes again and again, especially when it comes to relationship ( which is why now I will remain single as I don't want to waste any more time on all these things) as to me, it is a total failure. Thinking back, I only can blame myself for all the things i did and all the time i wasted. Touching on this topic really affects my mood tremendously.
After my birthday, there will be another round of RT for me to clear again, just like the previous year. Hopefully I can set the dates which I will be in school. Although it's more tiring, but it saves on transport fee. As of now, my only aim is to do well for the upcoming exams and get a decent job during my holidays to earn some income and capital. I really feel hopeless about relationships and I don't want to get involved anymore.
Of course, there are also other stuff to type here but then it is more of a personal / family thing. Like how my investments are doing and so forth. For now, what I also hope is that GBP will not continue to rise if not my school fees will also be rising up. I'm not sure of how the outcome of UK elections 2010 will affect the GBP.
Somehow, I begin to feel that each and every individual are not as simple as I think. Or maybe I'm just making things complicated for myself. This feeling really makes me think about whether I should just focus all my energy on one thing or particular area, or I should diverse and learn as much as possible, learn what ever I can get my hands on. It seems that there are a lot of things for me to do/should be doing, but I'm feeling tired/ running out of time to do them. I'm already trying to cut down on my time spent on entertainment ( I'm entering my 5th month of movie drought, hope to beat my previous record of 12 months I think) but it still seems not enough unless I cut down my sleeping time( which I really need because I will have fatigue if i don't sleep enough and I don't really drink coffee)
I think I should stop now before I sleep even lesser. Maybe one day I should find a time to stop myself from thinking anything and just sleep as much as I can. I'm still having some difficulty getting to sleep due to my brain's activity. Need to stop thinking and worrying so much. Too many things beyond my control/ hard to achieve even after years and years of trying which I really feel like giving up (like what I did for my views on relationships). Mentally and bit emotionally tiring/torturing.
Starting from today, there will be an increase in charges for utilities, namely electricity. I still haven't get the travel insurance for myself and my dad. After my FR exam, I will be flying the very next day. Right now I'm thinking of a lot of things. I'm still wondering if I should continue with learning driving since it's a bit wasteful to stop after BTT. I'm wondering if my efforts are worthwhile as I got the bad feeling of flunging my exams as what I did 4 years ago for my A level (which I will never ever forget!)
Speaking of that, ever since I start my second year, I've been reminding myself about that incident and why am I here now. I'm extremely terrified that history will repeat again this time as somehow, I'm always repeating my mistakes again and again, especially when it comes to relationship ( which is why now I will remain single as I don't want to waste any more time on all these things) as to me, it is a total failure. Thinking back, I only can blame myself for all the things i did and all the time i wasted. Touching on this topic really affects my mood tremendously.
After my birthday, there will be another round of RT for me to clear again, just like the previous year. Hopefully I can set the dates which I will be in school. Although it's more tiring, but it saves on transport fee. As of now, my only aim is to do well for the upcoming exams and get a decent job during my holidays to earn some income and capital. I really feel hopeless about relationships and I don't want to get involved anymore.
Of course, there are also other stuff to type here but then it is more of a personal / family thing. Like how my investments are doing and so forth. For now, what I also hope is that GBP will not continue to rise if not my school fees will also be rising up. I'm not sure of how the outcome of UK elections 2010 will affect the GBP.
Somehow, I begin to feel that each and every individual are not as simple as I think. Or maybe I'm just making things complicated for myself. This feeling really makes me think about whether I should just focus all my energy on one thing or particular area, or I should diverse and learn as much as possible, learn what ever I can get my hands on. It seems that there are a lot of things for me to do/should be doing, but I'm feeling tired/ running out of time to do them. I'm already trying to cut down on my time spent on entertainment ( I'm entering my 5th month of movie drought, hope to beat my previous record of 12 months I think) but it still seems not enough unless I cut down my sleeping time( which I really need because I will have fatigue if i don't sleep enough and I don't really drink coffee)
I think I should stop now before I sleep even lesser. Maybe one day I should find a time to stop myself from thinking anything and just sleep as much as I can. I'm still having some difficulty getting to sleep due to my brain's activity. Need to stop thinking and worrying so much. Too many things beyond my control/ hard to achieve even after years and years of trying which I really feel like giving up (like what I did for my views on relationships). Mentally and bit emotionally tiring/torturing.
posted by chanjk at
1:15:00 am
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