How to start..hmm... Somehow, I realise I always have alot of thoughts while I lie on my bed. But then, all these thoughts will somehow disappear when I woke up the next day. For the past 2-3 weeks. I have been sleeping quite late. Somehow, one of the reason is I just can't sleep. I can just lie on my bed for 2 hours before i actually feel tired and sleep...

Anyway, just a thought. I always feel that people who know me as a friend will be disappointed about me. It seems that I have nothing to offer( which I think I am) and maybe because of this, I know alot of people but those whom I really kept in touch is only a handful.

I don't know this is good or bad. But I feel that I'm content to have a small circle of people whom i can really trust, rather than know alot of people whom I can't/don't really trust/know them well. Somehow, it's so hard for me to maintain contacts. Maybe because I have low emotion quotient.

Speaking about this, so far, I still can remember the things that I regret doing. But then, I sometimes just cannot control it. I still can remember clearly that I shouted at one guy when he asked me a question. At that time, maybe I was too engross in deep thought that the moment he asked, it breaks up my chains of thoughts and I just cannot control it somehow. 6 years have passed but I still can remember that guy's name. Somehow if i have the chance, I will apologise for this. There are still other incidents but I think it's not nice to say here.

For the past one month, I've been trying to track the STI. But somehow, I still have no idea what's going on. Right now, I still haven't open the required account. May be I will do so in the near future. But, most probably I think I may not follow what most people, whom I know of, did currently.

Also, 2 days ago, I collected my prelim results. So far, only one is still yet known and another is very demoralising in the sense that after putting so much effort I still cannot make it. Feel so lost. I pray that in the finals, I won't be so 'lucky'...

I don't want to make the same mistake that I did 3 years ago. I don't want to waste my time. Don't want to waste my money too...I think only I can help myself now.

So far, I don't know who are still reading my posts as I'm not regularly updating this. Somehow, this will depend on my mood and my thoughts which I still can remember. One thing I can confirm is I will not have alot of pictures.

Just now while I was reading, this phrase came across me.

花开就一次成熟我却错过

This phrase, sort of reminds me of the things that I should be doing at my age, but I have not done. So far, I think only one person has sort of comment about this issue(if you know what issue I'm refering to). But then, I'm sort of giving up.

I seriously don't have the mood now. In the past, I'm eager to have one but failed and now, I feel like I'm will be wasting my time if i try to do this. I just feel that I don't have the criteria. I'm a boring person, no looks, poor and just feel hopeless when it comes to this.

Anyway, the above phrase comes from 東風破 by Jay Chou. Quite an old song I guess. Everything gets outdated quickly in this era.

Think that's it for now. Quite a big chunk of texts. So far what I can say is that I think I have not changed much, especially after I attended my seconday school gathering, seeing how others have change after 5 years. Some going overseas for education. Some working. Some still serving. Some sign on. Some graduating. But I think I'm still the same.